Forgiveness & Reconciliation 2
Another interesting discussion I had over my holidays was with my niece, as she confided in me that as far as she was concerned, `Christians were all hypocrites'. Why? Well in her eyes, they didn't practice what they preached, especially when it came to relationships.
"Broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to other believers." Rick Warren
Paul also found this a hard to take.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves. Don't you at least have one wise person who is able to settle disputes between believers." 1 Corinthians 6:5
Of course, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. But if relationships are of more value to you than always being `right', you are more likely to live in a loving community. Christians, like everyone else, will often have legitimate, honest, disagreements - but as children of God, we must also learn to be peacemakers; for whether we like it or not - at home, work and even at Church - we are being watched.
Over the years, and through lots of reading in the scriptures, and recently my mate Rick Warren again, I have learnt some real truths about living in harmony with one another.
1. TALK TO GOD FIRST!!
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Aren't they caused by the selfish desires that fight to control you?...... You quarrel and fight. You don't have the things you want because you don't pray for them." James 4:1&2
I have learnt that taking a problem to God first really helps. He understands how you feel and more than likely He has an answer. Not only will He change your heart, but who knows He has probably solved the problem already. People fail us, but God never does!
2. ALWAYS TAKE THE INITIATIVE.
"So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that another believer has something against you, leave your gift at the altar. First, go away and make peace with that person."
Matthew 5:23&24
Restoring broken relationships should be on the top of our priority list. Taking the first step towards reconciliation can prevent a lot of spiritual damage.
3. SYMPATHIZE WITH THEIR FEELINGS
"Don't look out only for your own interests but for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4
Before trying to solve, take time to listen. Listening says: "I value your opinion, your relationship and YOU."
4. CONFESS YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT
"Hypocrite! First get rid of the of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to see the speck in your friend's eye." Matthew 7:5
"If we claim we have no sin we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth." 1 John 1:8
Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. You may need to ask God and others where you are at fault if you cannot see it yourself. Humility defuses anger. You are less likely to make excuses or shift the blame when you are taking responsibility for your own mistakes and seeking forgiveness.
5. ATTACK THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:39
"The wise are known for understanding and pleasant words are persuasive." Proverbs 16:21
Up until recently I have not been one to tackle conflict well. Years of hurt and jealousy had led to built up anger. Words came out with no thought, as I would usually attack the person rather than the problem.
I am beginning to learn a few truths:
* I can love people without necessarily loving what they do.
* Words that belittle, compare, insult, label, or are condescending or sarcastic are like `nuclear weapons' that can destroy relationships.
I may have learnt the hard way, but I would hope that these days I am in the business of saving relationships rather than destroying them.
6. COOPERATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:10
Peace may cost us our pride and self centredness, but without "healthy compromise" there can never be harmony in the home, work or in Church. Peacemakers are those who can see the needs of others before themselves for the "sake of the fellowship".
7.EMPHASIZE RECONCILATION, NOT RESOLUTION
"Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Romans 12:18
While focusing on reconciling a relationship, the problem or reason for the conflict often loses its significance. This doesn't mean you give up trying to find a solution, but you can learn to discuss issues in a spirit of harmony.
It sounds easy? No, it's not. It has taken me many years to be able to out these scriptures into action. But I can tell you, it is WORTH THE EFFORT. Not only a relationships important, but as a child of God, who you endeavour to live in peace in harmony you are being a positive witness, for this is how JESUS WOULD DO IT.
"Broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to other believers." Rick Warren
Paul also found this a hard to take.
"You should be ashamed of yourselves. Don't you at least have one wise person who is able to settle disputes between believers." 1 Corinthians 6:5
Of course, it is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. But if relationships are of more value to you than always being `right', you are more likely to live in a loving community. Christians, like everyone else, will often have legitimate, honest, disagreements - but as children of God, we must also learn to be peacemakers; for whether we like it or not - at home, work and even at Church - we are being watched.
Over the years, and through lots of reading in the scriptures, and recently my mate Rick Warren again, I have learnt some real truths about living in harmony with one another.
1. TALK TO GOD FIRST!!
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Aren't they caused by the selfish desires that fight to control you?...... You quarrel and fight. You don't have the things you want because you don't pray for them." James 4:1&2
I have learnt that taking a problem to God first really helps. He understands how you feel and more than likely He has an answer. Not only will He change your heart, but who knows He has probably solved the problem already. People fail us, but God never does!
2. ALWAYS TAKE THE INITIATIVE.
"So if you are offering your gift at the altar and remember that another believer has something against you, leave your gift at the altar. First, go away and make peace with that person."
Matthew 5:23&24
Restoring broken relationships should be on the top of our priority list. Taking the first step towards reconciliation can prevent a lot of spiritual damage.
3. SYMPATHIZE WITH THEIR FEELINGS
"Don't look out only for your own interests but for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4
Before trying to solve, take time to listen. Listening says: "I value your opinion, your relationship and YOU."
4. CONFESS YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT
"Hypocrite! First get rid of the of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to see the speck in your friend's eye." Matthew 7:5
"If we claim we have no sin we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth." 1 John 1:8
Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. You may need to ask God and others where you are at fault if you cannot see it yourself. Humility defuses anger. You are less likely to make excuses or shift the blame when you are taking responsibility for your own mistakes and seeking forgiveness.
5. ATTACK THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON
"Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:39
"The wise are known for understanding and pleasant words are persuasive." Proverbs 16:21
Up until recently I have not been one to tackle conflict well. Years of hurt and jealousy had led to built up anger. Words came out with no thought, as I would usually attack the person rather than the problem.
I am beginning to learn a few truths:
* I can love people without necessarily loving what they do.
* Words that belittle, compare, insult, label, or are condescending or sarcastic are like `nuclear weapons' that can destroy relationships.
I may have learnt the hard way, but I would hope that these days I am in the business of saving relationships rather than destroying them.
6. COOPERATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God." Matthew 5:10
Peace may cost us our pride and self centredness, but without "healthy compromise" there can never be harmony in the home, work or in Church. Peacemakers are those who can see the needs of others before themselves for the "sake of the fellowship".
7.EMPHASIZE RECONCILATION, NOT RESOLUTION
"Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody." Romans 12:18
While focusing on reconciling a relationship, the problem or reason for the conflict often loses its significance. This doesn't mean you give up trying to find a solution, but you can learn to discuss issues in a spirit of harmony.
It sounds easy? No, it's not. It has taken me many years to be able to out these scriptures into action. But I can tell you, it is WORTH THE EFFORT. Not only a relationships important, but as a child of God, who you endeavour to live in peace in harmony you are being a positive witness, for this is how JESUS WOULD DO IT.
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